Congratulations are in order! They’re in order for me folks! Yes, me! My wife is wondering what I must have done now.
Mom always said that if I worked hard and kept my nose clean that I could make something of myself in this great nation… she was very right! Drum-roll ..I am now a member of the top two percent of America’s wealthiest citizens!
I’m pretty distraught that Bill Gates and Warren Buffet weren’t at my door when I got home from work today. Classless yanks!
How can that be, you ask (don’t worry, my wife is asking also)? Recently, my honorable President promised me personally that only the top two percent of our population would see a tax increase. Well, I received one. What else can that mean except that we’ll be hosting Larry Ellison for brunch tomorrow morning. I hope he enjoys leftover spaghetti… or maybe bologna sandwiches.
What I’m most impressed by is our marvelous Congress, who hasn’t managed to pass a budget in four years, managed to deduct their increased FICA payment from my payroll in just two days. Those guys are sharp. Oh yeah, you too Nancy!
I’m trying to figure what the implications of moving into this elite society will be. Must I find a new blogging base? After all, I can’t very well hang out with the likes of the lower 98 now, can I? I’m now one of those mean and evil filthy rich! Take that, you poverty-stricken infidels!
I must take a moment and thank my President here. Without him, I would never have known of my entry into this upper echelon of wealth. I’m kind of wondering here why I still have to get up every morning and put in my eight at a local trucking company. Maybe Michael Bloomberg will join me tomorrow to stock some shelves. So to my truthful President of great integrity I say…
(If by some chance someone out there still has some esteem left for me, please cover your ears) — “liar, liar… pants on fire!”